Policy Last Revised May 19, 2013
What information does ViaMonstra collect?
ViaMonstra collects information about you, through every possibly way we can. We really like to keep an eye on you..
ViaMonstra will direct or indirect collect user names, user relations, user friends and all kind of relations you as a user could possibly have. That includes social networking and none-social networking.
ViaMonstra will directly and indirectly collect hardware inventory and store that for later use or just for the fun of it.
ViaMonstra will directly and indirectly collect software inventory for all your devices that are connected to the corporate network, use of unsupported software will result in a fine* the first time and a punishment* for repeated behavior.
Does ViaMonstra collect real time location information?
No, we tried but we could not make that work. We will however continue to work on a solution to that issue so we can locate you wherever you are. Our motto is “You can run, but you can’t hide”.
How does ViaMonstra use information collected from you?
We use the information so we can blackmail you when needed. That could mean that we will hand out the information to the following parties:
- Your boss
- SPAM Companies
- Wife or Husband
- Your kids
- Anyone that paid us enough
Data Retention Policy, Managing your Information
ViaMonstra will keep all collected information and data until Armageddon (end of world). This applies even if you quit or get fired.
We are concerned about safeguarding the confidentiality of your information. We provide physical, electronic, and procedural safeguards to protect information we process and maintain. For example, we limit access to this information to authorized personal the pays us enough money to hand this information over to them. If you would like to know anything about other employees send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org
Device reconfiguration and modification
By connecting to the corporate network and its services, you accept that the device will be reconfigured to apply to corporate standards, policies and regulations. If you try to block or prevent these configurations you will be fined* or punished*
The current fine is $200
The current punishment is to being forced to use OS/2 on an old computer for one week.